I will be the first to admit that I used to have SEVERE performance anxiety. From a young age, I was terrified to perform in front of strangers, even friends or family. The pressure was too much. I loved making music, but I was so worried about what others would think, and I couldn’t feel comfortable in my own skin on stage.

Singers have the extra nuance in that our instrument is part of our bodies, so there is a belief that we can’t really blame anything on the “instrument” without that also meaning we are blaming ourselves. But, the truth is, our instrument is a SEPARATE IDENTITY than ourselves. I know, singers, it will be hard to believe because we all love singing so much, but your self-worth, value, and purpose in the world, is not encapsulated in just your voice. In fact, you can and should find love for yourself elsewhere!

The upbringing and environmental factors that influence this thought process make a great impact on us, and if we are not aware of this, then we can’t grow out of the self-judging and anxious mindset. One of the greatest loves of our life, music, can also feel like a burden when each performance can send us into a spiral of fear and anxiety.

During college, I started going to therapy for performance anxiety and quickly realized that I was associating my own self-worth, and looking for approval from others, with performing. That wasn’t WHY I wanted to make music, but it had been ingrained in me that it was of the utmost importance, and it was crippling.

Over the years, I have readjusted and worked very hard to dissipate this old belief system. I find joys in many things in life, including music. But, I also realize that the true reward is in how I feel in serving others and feeling their joy, too. We can serve others in many ways, but not through fame or money. When I began to find other reasons to love myself, to give of myself to others, musical or otherwise, I began to feel the joy that came through serving others that I was healed. 

Yes, we get some stage nerves due to excitement, and trying anything new can also make us nervous, that is normal. There are some somatic techniques in the moment that can help, too. We must program the mind to follow the body when it is an alert, balanced, allowing state, essentially reprogramming and regulating it through positive somatic experience. We can also do as much as possible to prepare, to allow ourselves to make mistakes, to educate ourselves about the job at hand. These all help somewhat, but the belief system underneath will always override.  So, I ask you, what is your belief system?  What about music brings you joy and do you need others’ approval in order to feel that joy? 

We may have to sit with this for years sometimes, hashing out old traumas and healing our inner child with our own guidance, consolation, and direction that was missing. But, its never too late. The work can be done at any age. I work with a somatic therapist now, and have experienced great healing, an opening of capacity, and finer attunement to myself, others, and my music.  I’m grateful. I hope you will find the path that is right for your healing, too. 

~Tara